Strange to write about yourself. I did it in my book as a life review as Angeles Arrien had suggested. This go-round is vastly different as I look at life, my life specifically, and life in general as if I was standing on the parapet of the tallest building in the world.
I have lived a large life, larger than most and less so than others. I define a large life by the degree of fearlessness one has amid absolute fear while pursuing a dream, a better life and a better way to be in this one. I have been completely broke wondering how to pay bills and feed the kids, I have waitressed, I mucked out horse stalls for $15 a week, I had bit parts in soap operas and auditioned for commercials, I had a part in an off-off Broadway play, I worked as an assistant talent agent for commercial casting and for a literary agent. I worked in the largest sports management company in the 1980’s and had the privilege of working with Muhammad Ali (the greatest character I ever met). I had a fun and sometimes contentious working relationship with John Madden and worked with and met many great athletes. The testosterone in the company and stress of raising two kids in NYC sent me across the country to Los Angeles to begin my own business as an agent.
If I hadn’t been fearless amid absolute fear, I would have cashed in my few life chips in the 1980’s and moved to a safer or seemingly safer world in New Hampshire. If I hadn’t failed or what I thought was failure through all the endeavors that failed, I wouldn’t have lived a large life. Some people define a large life by being rich, knowing famous people, having lots of big material things, traveling anywhere one would desire, living like a sports celebrity or Hollywood celebrity. I have known famous people and I wouldn’t trade my life for their fame.
I have never worked well in the confines of a company. I play ok with others but not within the rules and regulations of corporate hierarchies. Intuition has been my boss. Intuition has carried me beyond my fears into the fearless space of “let’s go for it,” and even when I failed, intuition knew it was just a stepping stone into a larger life.
I will be 70 years old this year and I am still working. I have two remaining clients who have asked me to hang on and not retire as they know that what I do is better than 95% of the people who do what I do. It is that way because I created a large life, beholden to honesty and integrity, to compassion and to being fearless in the face of another’s intimidation.
I created a map for a successful and fulfilling life that is ever-changing and fluid. My curiosity is a kayak that carries me down life’s raging rivers and occasional meandering streams.
I have been touched by sorrow and joy, by jealousy and desires for revenge, by insanity and stupidity and only with forgiveness could my life grow larger. Happily, forgiveness is not the same as forgetting.
Our world is becoming a scarier, greedier, fear-of-the-other place. Stephen Hawking just said that we must colonize outer space within the next 100 years because human beings will have killed each other off, used up all the resources and extinguished a healthy earth. But I know that earth will recover, I know that all the extinct animal, plant and sea energies still exist here waiting for optimal conditions to return.
Because I believe it takes only 5% of humanity to evolve beyond the insanity that pervades this planet, this blog is about me and it’s about you – the 5% – who will be ever vigilant and fearless amid the current global fears, helping each other and this blessed earth to move beyond and rise above into new imaginings.